


We All Matter

by OnceFutureEmrys



Series: My Camelove Fill 2021 [6]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Which broke my heart, angsty boys, but still they angsty, daegal is less angsty than Gilli, it reminded me way too much of Merlin/freya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:00:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29671098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceFutureEmrys/pseuds/OnceFutureEmrys
Summary: Daegal finds Gilli injured near a lake and helps patch him up.
Relationships: Daegal/Gilli (Merlin)
Series: My Camelove Fill 2021 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180301
Kudos: 1
Collections: Camelove 2021





	We All Matter

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! I actually really liked this one. It's a bit dramatic, but my excuse is that they're young and they're still learning how to deal with crushes. 
> 
> As mentioned before, let me know if there are any errors that need correcting! None of these are beta-read, so grammar wise, there might be a few mistakes. 
> 
> Hopefully you still enjoy it!

Daegal is out looking for herbs when he finds the crying boy sitting near a lake.

He’s bleeding, that’s for sure, and while Daegal isn’t the most experienced physician, he has learned a lot since he’s started helping Merlin and Gaius.

So, he decides _why not_ , and sits down next to him. The boy immediately flinches, turning his face towards Daegal, a mix of fear and confusion and anger burning in his eyes. Daegal’s first impression is of an admittedly cute face -- grey eyes, round face, and short brown hair -- but more importantly, a hurt patient.

The man’s voice sounds wobbly when he says, “You aren’t one of them.” He sounds unsure himself, and Daegal gives him a pitying smile.

“I don’t know who they are, but if they’re people who want to hurt you, then I’m not one of them.” This seems to loosen some of the tension in his shoulders as he lets out a breath. Daegal notices the blood in the water and peeks at a wound the man is attempting to hide. “I can take a look at that for you if you’d like?”

“What?” The man seems surprised. Then, “No, don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’s fine.”

“If you don’t at least bandage it now, it will most likely become infected,” Daegal insists. “I don’t have to do it if you don’t want me to, but it’s the least that I can do.”

“What, you’re a physician are you?”

“I’m training to be.” Less optimistically, “I hope to be one someday.”

The man studies Daegal and Daegal feels awkward, looking up and down and side to side -- trying not to notice the way his eyes linger on his mouth.

He finally nods and Daegal almost misses it, too busy trying to not look at the mysterious boy. Daegal gathers some water from the lake and manages to clean the wound. The man hisses at the sting and Daegal squeezes his shoulder in reassurance. Afterward, he rummages in his pack before finding some extra bandages Gaius had given him (thank God for Gaius) and manages to wrap his side. Daegal had wanted to study it more -- understand more clearly how this man had survived this wound all by himself -- but he refrained from asking any questions. 

It was one of his talents, he supposed. Not getting into people’s way. He had learned early that in order to survive in a world that had killed his mother early and made him penniless, he would have to become a liar and a smuggler and a thief and everything bad his mother had ever warned him about. He learned how to dissociate from events, learned how to become emotionless to pain and guilt. _It was the only way for him to survive_ , he kept telling himself. _It was his only chance._

But then he met a certain raven-haired man and started to understand that there was more to life than just barely surviving. That he could make something of himself. Be something more than just a thief or a smuggler or a liar. He could save people, he could have others save him. He could be cared for and loved and he could do the same for others. 

He decides he can try to do the same for this strange boy. He smiles and sticks his hand out. “My name is Daegal.”

The man hesitantly shakes his hand and says, “I’m Gilli.”

 _Gilli_. What a wondrous name.

For the first time in that conversation, Gilli smiles, albeit hesitantly. Daegal wonders how often he’s done it, how often he’s smiled back at anyone, how often he’s given someone the time of day as he has with Daegal. He subconsciously shakes his head. _Now’s not the time to be fantasizing, Daegal,_ he chastises himself _. You’ve just met him after all. There could be a reason someone was attacking him._

Somehow though, he couldn’t believe that this boy would ever want to hurt anyone but ultimately decided on pushing the thought away. If there’s one thing he knows more than most, it’s that appearances could be deceiving. 

“Are you hungry,” he asks, throwing the bloody rags into his bag. 

Gilli is about to say something when his stomach grumbles and he blushes in a very cute way that Daegal definitely does not notice. “I guess I am,” he admits.

“Well, make yourself comfortable. I’ll be right back with all of the supplies.”

He gets up, ready to walk into the forest when he hears a small, “Daegal?” He turns back to look at Gilli. He seems a bit nervous, tugging at his hands in worry. Daegal gives him a small smile and Gilli says, in a quiet voice, “Thank you.”

Daegal’s never felt this happy before. 

* * *

Gilli and Daegal have moved a little away from the lake, planting themselves onto the soil. Daegal had made a fire and cooked them some warm soup like Merlin had taught him, while Gilli looked off, seemingly in a faraway place Daegal doubts he can pull him away from.

After the food is made, Daegal serves Gilli some in his bowl. Gilli barely says anything while he eats and Daegal watches him, a small smile on his face. He’s fascinated by the way the spoon brushes his lips, the way Gilli closes his eyes in ecstasy whenever he takes a sip, the way he grabs another spoon full even when he already has some in his mouth. To say that Daegal is enchanted would be putting it mildly. 

Suddenly, Gilli looks up to meet Daegal’s eyes and he jumps, quickly turning away, his face burning with embarrassment. He’s afraid of seeing Gilli’s horrified face and so he stares determinedly at his soup as if blaming it for his own problems. After a couple of minutes, however, Daegal’s curiosity wins out and he chances a quick peek at him. 

Gilli’s looking down at his food, thankfully, but the small twitch of his lips tells Daegal he most likely knows he’s looking. Daegal’s not sure how his face can become even redder, but it does. 

After they’re both finished eating, they quietly sit, watching the clouds move slowly across the sky. It’s a comfortable silence, a silence Daegal thinks Gilli needs, and so he sits, his arms wrapped tightly around his legs, waiting for him to speak first.

It takes another moment before Gilli finally asks the question Daegal’s been waiting for him to ask. “Why did you help me?”

Daegal merely smiles. “Because I wanted to.”

“People rarely ever help people just because they want to.”  
“Well, I do.”

“But…” Gilli says, trying to find a better reason why Daegal, a total stranger, would ever help him.

Daegal sighs. Quietly, he says “I used to be like that, I guess. I used to be someone who only helped people when it benefited me.” He plays with a blade of grass and looks down at the ground. He feels embarrassed and horrified at who he was before. Gilli seems to hesitate before lightly putting a hand on Daegal’s shoulders. Daegal is surprised, to say the least, and looks at him, bewilderment written all over his face. This seemed to be the wrong move as Gilli quickly retracts from the touch and looks away from Daegal. He curses himself slightly at unintentionally pushing him away.

“I used to be like that too,” he says quietly. Daegal’s not sure what to say in response and so he gives him an empathetic smile, somehow trying to convey without words _I get it. I understand._

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Gilli asks after a while, breaking the tension. “What changed?”

“Well, I met someone,” Daegal says, smiling as he remembers how he had felt the first time he was truly making a difference.

He’s too lost in thought that he barely hears the, “Oh,” Gilli mutters to himself. 

Daegal’s eyes widen. “Oh, not like that,” he says quickly, feeling guilty even though he doesn’t know why. “I met a… friend. Who is helping me… become a better person, I guess. He told me one time that we all matter and I’ve been trying to live by that idea ever since.” He shrugs. “I guess when I saw you… well, we all deserve someone to help us and I figured if no one else was going to, then it might as well be me.”

“Thank you,” he says again, more strongly and sincerely.

“You already said that.”

“Not for,” he sighs, frustratingly running a hand through his hair. “Not for... _that_. But for… you know…”

Daegal nods, smiling to himself. “Yeah. I think I know.”

Silence sits between them once more and Daegal studies Gilli. His hair is slightly tousled, the bags under his eyes almost seem lighter, his shoulders seem less tense. It seems like, at this moment, he’s at ease. Daegal’s not sure whether it’s because of the quiet, peaceful energy or because of the conversation, but Daegal is slightly hopeful it’s because of him.

And then, much to Daegal’s surprise, Gilli turns to look back at Daegal and his breath catches in his mouth. He has a relaxed smile on his face that looks so goddamn beautiful that Daegal almost embarrassingly swoons. Daegal is taken aback by the beauty of the man that he had met just an hour ago, a man that has so quickly caught his attention. 

Daegal leans a little forward and so does Gilli and it feels like the world has stopped around them. The chirping birds have retreated, the whispering wind has muted itself -- the only thing he can hear is their breaths intermingling with one another, and Daegal inches a little closer and so does Gilli and--

And a branch breaks and makes such a large noise in the quiet forest that the two immediately jump apart. Daegal is stammering, hurryingly packing up the unwashed bowls and pushing them into his bag. He knows that it’ll smell later and that Gaius will give him the eyebrow raise that always, without fail, chills him to his core, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to get out, to get away from whatever… whatever that was.

Daegal has never really been interested in anyone. Ever since his mother had died, he had basically been on his own. His father had never been around, choosing to drink his sorrows away rather than care for his own grieving son. And so Daegal had always been alone. Before he had met Merlin and Gaius, he had normally kept to himself, only choosing to talk when he had to.

He had never felt this way before. Like there were constant butterflies in his stomach whenever he looked at him like he was floating on weightlessness whenever Gilli had smiled at him. The feeling of a pit in his stomach knowing he was about to leave someone that he had just met, someone that he liked. But also feeling nervous and excited and confused at the prospect of staying close to him.

Daegal has undoubtedly stumbled into a crush, a crush Daegal wants to drop into the ocean as quickly as he can but also a crush he wants to keep close to his heart, where no one else can find it. He wants the nervousness and the awkwardness to subside but he never wants to let go of this warmth that’s seeping into his too cold skin.

Daegal’s not sure exactly what he wants right now. 

He’s broken away from his thoughts from Gilli waving his hand in front of Daegal’s face.

“W-what… oh sorry,” Daegal says sheepishly, realizing he had just been standing there awkwardly, not saying anything.

“It’s alright. No worries.” Daegal nods and Gilli nods and they continue to nod because they’re not really sure what comes after the nodding. They both catch each other awkwardly nodding and then they’re laughing at the sheer awkwardness and at the peculiar nervous energy they have. Gilli winces and Daegal asks him if he’s okay and Gilli says he’s okay and he’s looking at him with a soft and happy and giddy smile, and Daegal can’t help but smile back. 

Daegal looks away first, fiddling with his fingers. “Well, I had better… move on.” He hooks a thumb behind. “This is my way back.” He bites his lip nervously before asking, “Would you like to come back with me?”

  
“W-what?” Gilli seems uncomfortable and Daegal realizes what that most likely sounds like.

“No no, I promise, I wasn’t asking for that!” He takes a deep breath, trying to hide his slight blush. “I-I was just asking because I have a friend from where I live who is a real physician and I’m sure he’d be able to help you with your wound. And he’s very sweet! He takes in anyone, really, he’s a kind man and…”

“I appreciate the offer,” Gilli cuts in, “but… I can’t. I have… some people who need me. And I can’t let them down.”

Daegal nods in understanding, although he’s a bit disappointed that he might never get to see Gilli again. He looks back at him one time, memorizing his striking grey eyes, his short brown, his lovely lips that Daegal unfortunately never got to have. He studied it all with a small smile, hoping that Gilli was doing the exact same.

Gilli starts to turn away now, his back straight -- too straight -- attempting to not disturb the still painful wound. Daegal watches for a moment before also turning away, taking a deep breath, and walking away. He wanted to turn back one more time, but he never did.

He never saw Gilli look back. 


End file.
